For Zikora

How to do Life, the Christian Way.

Archives for July 2025

How To Love God, Yourself and Others

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And How to Know When It is Not Love

Dear Zikora,

As you move on in life, you will encounter several situations and people who claim to love you. Some of them want to deceive you using the words “I love you” or “do it because you love me” and so many other lines like that. Capitalism will also try to sell you a concept of what “self love” entails. Perhaps one that involves esthetic pleasing forms of self indulgence or certain purchases. Remember, Love is not an emotion and Love is not performative. It is a mindset and a very crucial one at that. See Why Love is Non-Negotiable

How To Love God:

This is straightforward; Obey his commandments. It is very clearly stated in John 14 vs 15: “If you love me, you will keep my commandments”. Similarly, in First John chapter 5 vs 3, it says: “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome”.

How to Love Yourself and Others:

By knowing what Love is and isn’t, how to love God, Yourself, and Others become obvious. So pay attention to what love is and isn’t from 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-7 and use it to guide the way you relate to yourself and others. In doing so, you are also loving God, because you are obeying his commands and instructions.

1) “Love is Patient and Kind”-vs4a

This means that Love is not in a rush.  Love is not Instant Gratification, and it is not People Pleasing. Love is not Lust, Greed, or Selfishness which are all urgent feelings. Love takes its time and is helpful. So, a good way to know if it is love is to ask yourself: is this helpful to me and others and/or am I being pressured or rushed? Remember, being kind does not mean being a People-Pleaser or being a door-mat, it means being assertive and considerate. If you want to Love anyone, start by being patient and kind to yourself. You cannot love others without loving yourself first…Matthew 22 vs 39.

2) “Love Does Not Envy or Boast”-vs 4b

Have you noticed how unsustainable and unending the actions/behaviors you cultivate out of envy or a desire to boast are?

Love is not a competitive. If you find yourself being boastful, or aspiring to something with the purpose of bragging or out of envy, then you are not operating from a place of love. It goes both ways, if the person you are dealing with is boastful or envious of you or others, they don’t have love in them. So be careful when they say that they love you, because they don’t.

That said, you should still develop and utilize your gifts and talents to share with others. This should not be because you want to be better than others, but because you are living according to the purpose for which you were created.

3) “It [Love] is Not Arrogant or Rude”: vs 5a

Love is not Pride. True love is humble; it doesn’t look down on anyone.  Don’t let anyone deceive you, you cannot have love and be rude or arrogant at the same time. If you notice yourself looking down on anyone, stop and remind yourself that true love doesn’t do that. In the same vein, anyone who treats you or others in an inferior manner does not have love in them, don’t believe them if they claim to love you.

4) “Love Does Not Insist on It’s Own Way”: vs 5b

This means that love is not self-centered. Love does not say “it has to be done my way”. Instead, Love considers others/everyone involved as well.

So if you have someone/situation who or that gets upset/irrational once you say no them, or it does not go their way, then that person is not operating from love. If they did, they would consider you/whoever is on the receiving end as well. So beware, if you ever run into situations like this, do not think it is love. Get out of such situations, as it can be harmful. Harming yourself in the process of loving another is most certainly Not Love.

Another way to look at this it: let’s say you are working on being more healthy, taking better care of your body, and you are exercising daily etc., remember it has to be motivated by love. This would look like, giving your body a break, not insisting on doing some exercises even when your body hurts and is giving you signs that things are not quite  right.

Loving God, yourself, and others also means fixing or refraining from the negative habits you indulge in, because they are harmful to you and, or to others. This means that you don’t insist on executing harmful behaviors because “you only live once” or “this is just who I am”. Operating from love in this context would mean considering your actions and how it would affect you, and the other parties or persons involved. Such as your body (God’s temple), your friends, your family and the world around you.

5) “It [Love] is not Irritable or Resentful”: vs 5c

To Love yourself correctly, don’t resent or be angry at yourself, despite the parts of you that you may not like. If you find yourself harboring negative feelings to the point where you are now disliking yourself, or people, then you have not been operating from a place of love. Again, it goes both ways. If you are in a relationship with someone who claims to love you and you notice that they are often irritated with you or resent you, just know that that person does not love you. In the same vein, if you find yourself in a relationship where you are constantly irritable or resentful, you need to step back/outside and reevaluate. Because you cannot have love if you harbor resentment.

6)“It Does Not Rejoice at Wrong-Doing, But Rejoices With the Truth”: vs 6

To Love God and yourself properly, you must tell yourself the truth, and avoid partaking in wrongful behavior or injustice. This verse also means that Love calls out injustice and stands by the truth. Again, if you find yourself on the side of the oppressor, just know that you are not operating from love, and get out of there. Similarly, don’t be fooled  when an oppressor tells you that they love you.

Lastly, no matter the relationship you have with someone who perpetrates injustice, do not side with the oppressor. True Love does not support injustice.

7) “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all the things” vs 7.

In terms of self love, this means: Accepting and forgiving yourself completely and never giving up on yourself. In terms of relationship with others, it starts to get tricky and is often misconstrued and misunderstood. This is the verse that is often used to trap people into staying in unhealthy situations or to guilt trip them for leaving. I made many mistakes in my youth because I too didn’t understand this. To better understand this verse, we must refer to the whole chapter description. Here are some examples to further explain…

Sometimes positive situations can be challenging. For instance, you need to learn a helpful new skill, or stop indulging in harmful/negative habit etc. if you are operating from a place of love for your God and yourself, you would be able to endure the hardships that come from these situations. You would understand better and accept the situation. Thus, in this scenario, Love fuels the discipline that you need to persevere.

On the other hand, if the situation is not bathed in love, i.e., it is toxic, (please note, the situation/behavior/relationship has to have only one of the negative criteria for it to not be rooted in love. I say this in case you encounter a situation where some qualities of love are present and others aren’t).

Back to the toxic/negative situation; once you have established that the situation is not rooted in love, you should still operate in love. Now remember,

  • “Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth”…vs 6. So, evaluate the situation, who is committing the wrong doing? You have to distance yourself from that. Wrongdoing in relationships is any behavior that is not align with the descriptive qualities of love. You also need to distance yourself/remove yourself from the party committing the wrong doing or change your toxic ways if you find yourself to be the toxic one.
  • If you do not do not remove yourself, and you insist on being hurt or being on the receiving end of toxicity for whatever reason, you are not operating from love either. This is because being on the receiving end of toxicity breeds irritability and resentment and love is not that. And once you develop resentment within yourself, it is difficult for love to also reside in your heart.
  • Here are other supporting verses to help you clarify that the “ bearing all/ enduring” quality of love does not mean physically staying in a toxic relationship: proverbs ….”better is a dry morsel in quiet, than a feast in a house full of strife” (Proverb 17 vs 1).
  • “It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman” (Proverb 21 vs 19).

These are all some examples of where we are encouraged to leave toxic environment. So yes, you still need to love them, but you don’t have to be physically present, or continue in that toxic environment/situation/relationship to prove it. Instead, you are to exercise the qualities of love still by accepting them how they are, forgiving them, praying for them, doing good to them (Luke 6: 27-36), and not rejoice over their misfortune (Proverbs 24: 17-18). All these can and should be done from a distance.

Summary:

“Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease, as for knowledge; it will pass away”…vs 9. Love is what we carry with us to the end, after all is said and done. 1 Corinthians 13 vs 8-12 explains that love is the greatest because we don’t, and won’t ever know everything perfectly or fully. We only have partial understanding and knowledge of things and exercising love makes up for all the parts of ourselves, a matter, or relationship that we do not see or fully understand. Be wise and don’t be deceived by the worldly definition and expectations of Love.

So my dearest, if you want to obey the first and great Commandment, start practicing Biblical love. In so doing, You will learn how to Love God, Yourself and ultimately, others. You will also be able to identify when it is not love. And if you have not been acting from a place of love or didn’t understand love properly before, don’t feel sad, or bad, or guilty, you can change now. I hope this helps.

With Love,

Mama.

Why Love is Non-Negotiable

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Part 1: What is Love?

Dear Zikora,

This is the part where I try to answer the million dollar question, What is Love, and Why Love?.

A song by Anita Baker titled “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” called love a “second hand emotion”. Others have called love fickle, impossible to attain, a fantasy, and even a battlefield. Love has even been used t brainwash and deceive people in both platonic, romantic, cooperate, and other kind of relationships and often chalked up to be just what silly people indulge in.

However, Love is none of that. Contrary to popular opinion, Love is not an emotion. Love is a Mindset. Love is an intentional, and powerful way of being. It is the very essence of what life and living is made of. It is the reason for and behind everything we are called to do and be as Christians. Therefore, Love is non- negotiable.

Those who know how to love and truly love are the ones who have genuinely figured life out. Because Love is the ultimate life hack!. Today’s reading gives us the Biblical and true meaning of Love. It also describes the importance of love, how powerful, healing, and redeeming love is. Let’s take a look at 1 Corinthians  chapter 13.

Why Does Love Matter?

Firstly,

  1. Love is the First Commandment:
    • In Matthew 22 vs 36-38, a lawyer asked Jesus: “Teacher, which is the Greatest commandment in the Law?”, and he [Jesus] said him; “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment“. Need I say more? We cannot live the way God called us, if we do not obey his first commandment.

2) Love is the Most Important Virtue:

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love”…1 Corinthians 13 vs 13.

According to this verse, it is more important to have Love than it is to have Faith. Now remember, “And without faith, it is impossible to please God…” Hebrews 11 vs 6a. So how then is having  Love more important than having faith? This would be because having love for God fuels our faith, helps us to be intentional about not to sinning against God, and it regulates the relationship we have with ourselves, and people.

3). Without Love, Everything is in Vain:

Love should be the motive behind our every action. 1 Corinthians 13 vs 1-3 puts it this way:

  1. “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal”- vs 1. This here means that even if you are so spiritual and you are able to communicate to both men and angels and higher powers, if you don’t possess love, it is quite useless, and you are not making sense. So no, it’s not about being pious or looking holy, it is about having love.

B) “And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and knowledge, and if I have faith, so as to remove mountains, but have no love, I am nothing” – vs 2. This here again informs us that being so in tune in our spirituality, being so knowledgeable and  powerful in the spirit realm, and making things happen because of your faith means nothing if you do not operate from a place of love.

C) “If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing”- vs 3. Wow, so you could sacrifice everything you have and be generous  to the point of holding nothing back, however, if the motivation is not from the love you have, you have simply wasted your. How profound!

Who Are We Commanded to Love:

Before we get to all the things love is and is not, lets figure out who we should love. I had difficulty making this entry because I kept on inserting romantic relationships as the only place where we can exercise love. In fact, most of the argument against this chapter’s definition of love will be from people who think love applies only to romantic or close familial relationships. The arguments will center on the toxicity that can be found in relationship dynamics and how it is unfair, impossible, or dangerous to love that or love despite that.

While this is a valid argument, it is not a complete way to look at Love. A better way to consider Love is to pay attention to who we are called to love.

In Matthew 22 vs 36-40, a lawyer asked Jesus: “Teacher, which is the Greatest commandment in the Law?”, and he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the prophets”. Thus, we are to Love: God, Ourselves, and Other people and God’s creation. We don’t need to/have to be in a romantic or any relationship with anyone to exercise love. We are called to just love, God, Ourselves, and Others, period.

To explore the definition of Love, how to Love, and when it is not love, click here: How to Love God..

How to Cure Chronic Anxiety: Looking back in Gratitude to Face the Future with Confidence-

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Find Peace and Conquer Chronic anxiety in 7 steps using Psalm 118.

Dear Zikora,

About a year ago before I made this entry, I entered a very difficult season in my life. I have faced many challenges before, but this time, it was because of the series of mistakes I made as a result of my disobedience to God.  You were very little then and really did not understand what I was going through. However, you knew I was sad, and sometimes you would ask: “are you going to cry again?” or “please don’t be sad”. I will tell you all about it when you are older. Remind me by asking me to tell you of that summer when I drank my tears for breakfast, lunch, and supper.

That said, back to today. This morning. After saying my morning prayers, I am led to read Psalm 118. As I read this chapter, I am immediately reminded of the significance of today even though I had completely forgotten the series of events that happened just the year prior. This chapter reminded me to give thanks to God for the gift of God’s goodness and steadfast love to me. It reinforced for me that God has always being on my side, even when I didn’t realize it. Even when I didn’t believe it. It is a poignant reminder of how God stood by me and gave me victory on all sides. I am grateful that I got this reminder this morning and I am even more glad that I get to share it with you.

Moving on, here is what I want you to do if you notice that you are still (or constantly) worried or anxious about something. Look back and remember a time when something worked out for you, even though it did not work out exactly the way you had expected. By reminding yourself of how God helped you in the past, you will be encouraged and reminded that God can help you again now, and always.

Psalm 118 is not just a reminder for the past, it is reinforcement for the now, and an encouragement for the future. Put this chapter in your arsenal, it is very valuable. And did I mention that it helps with chronic anxiety? My darling, it does!

Check out How to Cure Acute Anxiety (part 1): A Simple ABC Guide using Psalm 23.

Here we go, the step by step how to!

1) Practice Gratitude:

 In the first few verses of Psalm 118, we are called to give thanks to God for God’s goodness, and steadfast love to us. Look back intentionally at all of God’s goodness and be genuinely thankful. And yes, God has been good to you. You can start by thanking God for the gift of being alive, the air you breathe, God’s unending love for you, and for that positive thing that suddenly or randomly happened to you etc). We are again commanded to give thanks to God even at the end of this chapter. Thus, start and end with Gratitude!

”Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!”…Psalm 118 vs 1.

”Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!”…Psalm 118 vs 29.

2) Verbally Affirm God’s strength and Love for You:

My darling,  it is not enough to just remember God’s power, goodness or God’s steadfast love in your life, you must say out loud to yourself that God loves you and that God’s love for you never ends. Keep saying it until you believe it. This chapter instructs us 4 times starting from verse 1- 4!

 “Let those who fear the Lord say, His steadfast love endures forever” …Psalm 118 vs. 4.

Also verbally affirm this verse:

“The Lord is my strength and my song,

He has become my salvation.

Glad songs of salvation are in the tent of the righteous:

The right hand of the Lord does valiantly,

The right hand of the Lord does exalts, the right hand of the Lord does valiantly!” …Psalm 118 vs. 16.

3) Bring your Requests and Worries to God in Prayer and Thank him:

Trust completely that God will do what is best for you. In the same prayer, believe that your prayers have been answered and thank God for answering your prayers. Here is an example of how you can pray, be as specific as you want:

“Save us, we  pray, O Lord!

“O Lord, we  pray, give us success!”…Psalm 118 vs 25.

Then;

“I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation. The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone

This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes”… Psalm 118 vs 21-23.

We are also commanded to praise God as we bring our request, that is what the following verse means:

“The Lord is God, and he has made his light to shine upon us. Bind the festal sacrifice with cords, up to the horns of the altar!

“You are my God and I will give thanks to you;

You are my God; I will extol you”... Psalm 118 vs 27-28

4) Don’t let Shame and Guilt stop you: 

Now did I mention that the anxieties and worries I was dealing with were caused by the mistakes I made because of my disobedience to God?  

The truth is that we will always make mistakes and disobey God. And yes, there is punishment and discipline for when we sin against God, but don’t let your sin stop you.

Here is how the psalmist acknowledged this and prayed to God for forgiveness and for help in being righteous. This is the prayer and I want you to do the same:

“The Lord has disciplined me severely, but he has not given me over to death.

Open to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter through them and give thanks to the Lord.

This is the gate of the lord; the righteous shall enter through it.

I thank you that you have answered me and have become my salvation”…Psalm 118 vs 18-21.

5) Trust God completely and stop looking to people for help or sympathy:

God is fully on your side, he understands and always has your best interests. Other people or institutions may make the same claim, but they have their secret agendas wrapped in the beautiful lies they tell. Remember this:

“Out of my distress I called on the Lord;

The answered me and set me free.

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?

The Lord is on my side as my helper, I shall look in triumph on those who hate me”

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man,

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes”

 …Psalm 118 vs. 5-9.

6) Confidently Declare Positivity and God’s words over your life:

When sadness and worry overwhelm you, or even before this happens, keep reminding yourself of God’s love, and promises for you. Choose to be happy no matter what. Choose Joy because you don’t fight alone. Practice steps 1-5 and keep repeating these verses to yourself:

“I shall not die, but I shall live, and recount the deeds of the Lord”…Psalm 118 vs 17.

“The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone. This is the Lord’s doing; it is marvelous in our eyes“…Psalm 118 vs 22-23.

“This is the day the lord has made, Let us rejoice and be glad in it”…Psalm 118 vs 24.

7) Share  your Testimony and stories of God’s goodness in your life with Others:

Contextually speaking, psalm 118 is a testimony that the psalmist is sharing about how God delivered him (Psalm 118 vs 10-16). In sharing his story, the psalmist’s faith in God is renewed, the story stays fresh in his mind, and those listening are enriched, encouraged and learn how to trust God with their anxiety. And it is what you should be doing too.

I promise you, there is no better way of reminding yourself of God’s past goodness and of his unending love for you than by sharing your testimony with others. Also, doing this will instantly shift your perspective, strengthen your faith, and ease your current worries.

 I know it does for me, and I know that once you get into this habit, it will also work for you too.  I didn’t write Psalm 118, but Psalm 118 vs 5, 10-16 is my exact testimony. Every single word was as it happened exactly for me. Lets take a look:

“Out of my distress I called on the lord

The lord answered me and set me free”…Psalm 118 vs 5

“All nations surrounded me; in the name of the lord I cut them off!

They surrounded me, the surrounded me on every side;

In the name of the Lord, I cut them off!

They surrounded me like bees;

They went out like a fire among thorns;

In the name of the Lord I cut them off!;

I was pushed hard, so that I was falling, But the Lord helped me.

The Lord is my strength and my song,

He has become my salvation.

Glad songs are in the tents of the righteous;

The right hand of the Lord does valiantly,

The right of the Lord exalts.

The right hand of God does Valiantly!”…Psalm 118 vs 10-16.

So, there you have it, the 7 proven steps to conquer worry and anxiety according to Psalm 118. I hope you practice because I know it works!

This was such a wonderful way to start my day. You woke up while I was still making some notes and we went outside to soak in the sunshine. It was while you were cuddled up in my lap and I was making more notes that I realized that I would share this with the world as well!.

How to Cure Acute Anxiety (part 1): A Simple ABC Guide using Psalm 23.

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Dealing with Acute Onset Anxiety.

Dear Zikora,

Anxiety is that uneasy feeling, or constant worry and fear that overwhelms one because they do not have certain immediate answers. Sometimes, it comes on suddenly, other times, it is an ache that won’t go away. Anxiety makes it difficult to live a fulfilling and joyful life, yet, Life can be filled with all kinds of challenges that create anxiety. Luckily, there is a simple hack that conquers anxiety, especially, when it comes on suddenly! It’s just ABC!

click here to learn how to manage chronic anxiety : How to Cure Chronic Anxiety: Looking back in Gratitude to Face the Future with Confidence-

 So, the next time you hear a news or have a thought that suddenly gives you anxiety, do this: A=Agree, B=Believe, and C= Claim the words in Psalms 23. Your anxiety will disappear once you do this regularly. I promise you; it is as easy as that!

Psalms 23 was a very popular chapter growing up. Everybody knew this chapter by heart, and I used to recite it everyday as a child. I still do. Sometimes I cheerfully recite it out loud, other times, it is a proclamation I remind myself in a tiny, terrified voice. Nevertheless, it is a prayer that comforts and calms me instantly and I want you to memorize it. I want you to remember and believe every single word because it is tried and true. I have lived through many experiences, and I can testify to the truth in every word.  I have plenty of proof.

This chapter was written long before you and I were born, and it is a lyrical testimony that King David gives summarizing who God is to him, how God helps him navigate life and the assurance that is found in God. This verse was true in King David’s life, it is true in my own life, and it gives me fresh confidence to walk through life unafraid, knowing that I am never alone. Although I know this chapter by heart, reading it again always reminds me of how powerful my God is, and how strong my confidence, faith and trust in him should be. Like I said, I have so many examples of how the words in this chapter have proven true in my life.

So here we go; a breakdown of Psalms 23 for conquering any anxious thought:

a) Is Life Hard? Worried about the future? – trust in God, and do the A, B, C as you recite this verse:

“The lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want”… Psalm 23 vs 1

             The above verse means that, God ensures that because we are his children,  we are always provided for and that we shall not lack anything that we need.  

            “He makes me lie down in green pastures”

            “He leads me beside still waters”… Psalms 23 vs. 2.

 This means that God brings us to a place of abundance and rest. It means we do not have to struggle, or strive, or enter any moral conflict to achieve an abundance of what we need.  All we have to do is to remember that God takes care of us, and trust in him completely.

b) Feeling drained and weary, weird, or confused? : Trust God, and do the A, B, C as you recite this verse:

“He restores my soul”

“He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake”- Psalm 23 vs 3.

The above verse is a reminder that God heals us, even in our soul. God shows us how to do the right thing and helps us as we do it. Remember this during the confusing days.

c) Feeling afraid, alone? – stay calm, and Trust in God, because

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death”

“I will fear no evil, for you are with me”,

“Your rod and your staff, they comfort me”…Psalm 23 vs.4

                This verse is a reminder that God is always with us in every situation, every circumstance. No matter how scary,  we have nothing to fear. We are guided by God’s words and instructions which also bring us comfort and calm.

d) Feeling like your enemies and those who hate you have won? –  Your enemies have not won, trust in God as you recite this verse:

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies”;

“You anoint my head with oil;”

“My cup overflows.”…Psalms 23 vs 5

This verse means that despite the evil plans of those who hate you and want to harm you, God will bless you and make you shine and grow. God will set you apart and fill you with the strength and gifts to thrive and succeed. And your enemies will get to watch you flourishing and thriving. The above verse is so true my girl, I have many stories about this and I no longer get upset when I’m surrounded by haters.  As we go through the Bible together, you will also see several instances where this is true and the various ways that God has done it in the past. I want you to remember this as you go through life as well.

e) It feels like all hope is lost?–  Trust in God. God has a plan to bring you to victory, and you will eventually come out smiling. It is what the verse below means. Don’t loose hope. If you forget everything, I want you remember this verse and make it your mantra:

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life”

“and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever”…Psalm 23

Oh, and here is a little snippet of what we did today: we colored together, and you forced me to color everything like the rainbow. Then you scolded me for not coloring it properly and then we got into a little argument because I said that there isn’t any pink in the rainbow. Then you told me that Violet was your friend’s name and not part of the rainbow colors either.

I gave you many hugs and made pancake and eggs for you three times today because it was the only thing you wanted to eat. I didn’t yell at you today and we had a nap as well. We had a wonderful day today I must say!